“No. I’ll go along, I’ll look at houses. I’ll even sign the papers to sell my beautiful home, with the confidence in Your kindness that I’ll have somewhere to call my own again soon. But I will not be choosing that place while my husband is away.”
My largest “NO” has been that I would not choose our home while my husband was away on military orders. That was my biggest “no” to God and to my husband, although, both had a different hope/plan. I promised my husband that I would keep looking while he was away, because this market is intense. One minute you find a home you love and the next it’s gone.
It felt like I had to strive to find the new house. Better not wait too long before I search all the sites and apps again because something new might pop up and be gone before I can see it! I was exhausted and so tired of constantly searching. I was up late each night searching and sharing the day’s findings with my husband over the phone. I found myself so sleep deprived that I did some dumb things, like oh, I don’t know…slam my thumb inside my car door (it hurt so freaking bad it took my breath away)
I found myself praying, sharing my frustration as well as my trust with God. One minute declaring how grateful I am for His unfailing hand and the next minute whining about how delirious I was becoming. HA! (This is why when I get to Heaven, I must meet King David. He and I will be BFF, I mean, have you read the Psalms? We’re prayer twins!)
Oh the overwhelming, never-ending, patient love of God. Thankfully, when I would get wrapped up with what I could only see with my physical eyes, I reminded myself of what He’d already accomplished and chose to look with my spiritual eyes. Trusting in His inability to fail. In His infinite kindness. In His promises. Knowing that He’s in the details. That anything we give to Him is never wasted or discarded. (John 6:12) Like a proud Father whose daughter just brought her artwork to Him to display on His desk for all to see, He was celebrating this simple faith I had lifted up with open hands.
Here’s my house, Lord. Here’s my place I’ve always referred to as a physical refuge and retreat: it’s yours. Not my will, but yours. Where do you want me to live? Guide me.
Fast forward to a crazy weekend not too long ago. 1 day after I saw the Crazy Closet Lady Cabin (click here if you missed that blog) I saw a house in one of my friend’s neighborhoods that I’ll call Chimney House. I really liked it! But, I felt the same ole tummy-turning uneasiness that I was fearful that my husband wouldn’t like it. Over the phone, I told him about Chimney House and sent him pictures and he was open, but asked me to first go see the another house we had found online (let’s call it Blue House.) My beloved sister-friend Erin had sent me Blue house while we were eating dinner together, reeling from the Crazy-Closet-Lady-Cabin Thursday viewing. There was still a bit of daylight left after dinner, so she and I hopped into the car and drove by Blue House and found it was so private and peaceful. I was intrigued, but still bummed about something very selfish on my “must-have” list: no attached garage. At the request of my husband though, I had promised to set up a viewing. I viewed Chimney House Friday morning, and it worked out for me to view Blue House Saturday evening. In the middle of these 2 days, God had been dealing with my heart about striving. There’s this beautiful song by Rita Springer called There is No Striving that poured into my mind. The Lord kept reminding me: in His love, in His will there is no striving. I just need to trust Him.
But what does that even look like, God?
I decided it must mean that I pray and place my eyes on Him. That I don’t just lazily sit by and not do my part to search, however I’m not to let the searching consume me. Somehow I knew it wouldn’t be found in my strength anyway. My job was to trust His character and promises, and to walk forward as I trusted He would guide me…
The next step in front of me was to view Blue House on Saturday. And UGH – that day did NOT go as planned –whatsoever. It was a frustrating day on a variety of levels. Nothing was going right, and my attitude was going south, too. I listened to worship music on the way to view Blue House trying to get my attitude right, and only had time for a very simple prayer. I took that short moment to pray whatever came to my heart:
Lord, please clear my mind from all these distractions and frustrations. Help me to be present, and have your will. If this is where we are supposed to call home, give me unexplainable peace. Peace so tangible that I have no doubt and can sign on this house with confidence even though my husband will not have even stepped foot onto the property. Let me see our family there if this is our home. Otherwise, I trust without that, that you are guiding us to continue to be still and wait.
I arrive alone to meet my realtor, and I was still on edge because it’s a FSBO (realtor lingo for For Sale By Owner) – 🙄. But, reminding myself that my husband is super interested and wants me to check it out for us. So, I put on my best smile, prayed for an open mind, and walked in with my realtor to meet the sellers (owners.)
BEST FSBO EXPERIENCE EVER!! What should’ve lasted 1 hour, lasted 2.5 hours. And THE PEACE CAME!! It was covering me like a heavy, comforting blanket before I even realized it. I cannot fully explain with words what it felt like. It was a peace like nothing I can explain. My eyes fill with tears as I write this, because my wonderful Father did this miraculous thing for me. He honored my plea for peace so I could know the right decision in trusting that He had guided us there. I remember the moment I realized the peace had come so powerfully that even when I tried to think doubtful thoughts, I couldn’t shake the peace. I had no fear: I knew this was our home. I looked at my realtor and said “my husband will love this place.” To which he replied “it’s what you two have been looking for all along.”
GOD IS IN THE DETAILS, PEOPLE.
It’s been a whirlwind of negotiations, signing contracts, house inspections, etc., but we are full speed ahead. Moving to a part of town I never thought we’d end up in, in a house I never saw us living in, with the lot/space I had thought we could only dream of having. Blue house is perfectly funky, older, and absolutely home for us. And I did the things while my husband was still away!! I’m so proud of my husband’s faith in God’s guidance and humbled by his trust in me. What a blessing it is to be married to my best friend, and to be loved and trusted with such huge decisions.
It’s truly amazing when you pray about everything, and listen for His guidance. My faith has grown so big in this season of saying yes to God, and I’m so grateful He helps us grow past our “no.”
So what’s your biggest no? What’s holding you back from trusting that if you leap your all knowing, all powerful, always present, infinitely loving Father will catch you?
He’s big enough, sweet friend.
Love in Christ,
PS – Remember that whole no striving thing? I didn’t even find Blue House! Remember? My sister-friend did.
(PSS! This is the 6th installment of a series of blogs. If you’re curious and you’d like to read from the beginning, click here.)