Yes, I’m her. I’m the crazy girl who gets down on her knees in front of hundreds of people sometimes and raises her hands as if she’s forgotten the people are there. I’m the girl on the stage that loses herself in worship…no matter how foolish I look. I need those moments with Him, and honestly… If I hadn’t consciously acknowledged there’s a congregation in front of me moments earlier… I would’ve laid flat on the ground. Sometimes I feel God’s presence so strongly in our services I want to just lay down in admission that I can’t stand before him. That I still can’t grasp the fullness of his love. That it overwhelms me. That I’m in the deepest debt of gratitude that he would love & restore me.
It’s in those moments that I just want to be there…in that place…with Him. I feel like even if I could explode with worship, that my arms can’t reach high enough, or outstretch far enough… That I can’t kneel deep enough to express the grace I’ve received. The love I’ve experienced. The life that has filled me.
You’d have to know the pain to understand someone else’s worship.
Told many things: that I was useless, undesired, ugly, a failure, loser, fat, unloved. That no one wanted me.
Left alone, with a dry bank account, bills piling, little food, and an infant to care for…afraid & overwhelmed.
But God delivered me.
He replaced the lies with love. He took the blood of Christ & rubbed it over the wounds of my heart…he dragged me out of the pit, all the while forgiving every wicked part of me. He restored my soul.
Even in the moment that I considered wrecking my car & ending my life (yes, such a moment existed), in my worst moment He took the things that some called failures and used them to redeem me. He brought me back from the edge of despair and renewed my spirit.
No matter what loss I’ve experienced, what pain I’ve endured, God has held me and carried me. Nothing has truly overtaken me when I hand it over to him. No weapon formed against me has ever prospered.
I didn’t understand the reasons I endured the moments of brokenness… But in those moments, one thing was always certain. One thing was always constant. One thing never failed, never gave up, never ran out.
That one thing always remained:
Greater than any darkness I’ve faced, greater than any mountain I’ve climbed or any valley I’ve been in. His love truly never fails & is greater than anything my mind can grasp.
And so, I must worship Him. I can’t help but praise Him. When I think of the deliverance I’ve experienced, I can’t help but be moved. I may have been broken, but I was never damaged. I was always in the hands of the potter. I was always loved by Him, even before I let Him be Lord in my life.
I hope that you know the deep joy and love the Father has for you. I hope that once you’ve experienced it, you too will worship without concern of those around you… Lose yourself in the moment. Worship with abandon.
You are treasured. Desired. Restored. Redeemed. LOVED.
“O God, we meditate on your unfailing love as we worship in your Temple.” (Psalms 48:9 NLT)